Bittersweet Moments Page 15

  “Surprise?” He says it like a question, taking in my reaction. His deep and raspy voice tugs at my nipples, making them hit their full peak.

  “What are you doing here?” It takes a second for my brain to start communicating with my limbs before I step in to give him a hug. He holds me tight, shifting his hips to show me that I have affected him too.

  It feels good to be held in his strong arms. Amazing, actually.

  He cares.

  It’s probably selfish of me to think, but him picking a last-minute meeting over me hurt, even when I tried to pretend it didn’t. Him being here says it all to me.

  “I’m sorry I never came in the first place.” His hot breath skims over my earlobe as he holds me tighter. I melt at his sexy, smooth voice, wishing I could pull him into my room right now.

  “Brax, nice to see you have graced us with your presence.” The sarcasm drips from Nate’s tone.

  I can feel Brax’s body tighten up, his head moving up away from me, yet he never lets me go. My head tilts back to look at him while he speaks to Nate. “Nothing could keep me away.”

  I feel like a high school girl who just wants to giggle in her boyfriend’s arms. Trying to school my too-wide smile, I step out of Brax’s embrace to see him take a step toward Nate and shake his hand.

  Both men in my life look intense and protective, clearly alphas. Neither face shows many emotions other than their eyes betraying their rigidness. Their eyes narrow at each other, crinkling around the edges, while they casually look to their hands where their grips are hard and unwilling to be the first to concede. I have no doubt that handshake may crack a few bones.

  “Thank you for taking care of them in my absence.” The testosterone in the room is off the charts, only rising with Brax’s statement.

  Then their hands repel from each other as I hold both of their attention on me once again.

  “Raya, there’s no turning back after this.” Nate reminds me of what this means when I introduce Brax to Madden. I also feel like this is Nate’s way of making me choose. Choose what, I’m still not sure. It feels more like friendship and family. But I know I will be losing a part of my best friend. I hope this feeling deep in my heart is wrong. The way he looks at me, I feel like he’s trying to silently tell me something I’m unable to read. The feeling catches me off guard. Nate and I have been so close; I felt like we could always tell what one another is feeling.

  “I only want to go forward.”

  He holds my gaze before nodding at my answer. I can see him trying to cover up his disappointment. I want to ask him what’s wrong. I’m confused. He always knew Brax was it for me. How can he not see this is what will make me happy? Nate has always put my happiness first. It’s one of the reasons we’re here in the middle of nowhere. I could have never been happy under my father’s rule.

  A hand is placed on the lower part of my back, and I turn, tilting me head up to see Brax’s smirk grow tenfold at my words.

  “I’m heading out, Ray. You kids have fun.” Nate has never called me Ray, but I told him a long time ago Brax liked to. I feel Brax’s fingers slide from my back to link with mine, while I watch, hoping to understand what is happening in Nate’s head right now. I wish he would just come out with what his issue is all of a sudden. Nate squeezes my shoulder as he walks past the two of us.

  At a tug on my arm, I force myself to stop staring at Nate’s back and look back to Brax. Raising my hand, I gently move Brax’s handsome face to meet mine. His neck is stiff from their altercation and I realize he has no idea that Nate is not interested in women. “You’re cute when you’re jealous.”

  “When you walk around like that, it’s hard not to be.” He looks around before slipping his hand down my leg, allowing his fingers to lightly brush under my pajama shorts.

  “He’s gay, Brax. Nate and I swap boyfriend stories.” I don’t want to make a big deal out of this, but I love his stunned expression. “You ready to meet our son?” I ask.

  Nerves roll in my stomach, and I wonder if Brax feels this too. I’m not scared, but it’s the unknown and excitement. I’ve wanted this so badly, and I thought I would never have it.

  Walking outside, Madden is kicking the ball at the fence, cheering each time he scores.

  “Madden,” I call out.

  As soon as he looks in our direction, the ball bounces past him. Madden immediately jumps into my arms, playing shy, but he keeps his eyes on Brax.

  “Hey, buddy. I’m Brax.” Watching his eyes light up while talking to my son, our son, is confirmation enough that this will work out.

  Madden looks to me for confidence. I can see him getting more curious by the second.

  “I know,” Madden bravely tells him.

  I see the shock and surprise in Brax’s eyes.

  “I have a picture of you in my room. And Mommy and I made you a book. Do you want to see it?”

  “I can’t think of anything better.”

  Madden wiggles out of my arms and runs into the house.

  “You told him about me.” It’s a statement, not a question. He searches my face for something, but I’m not sure what. He must find it, because he wraps me up in a tight hug. “This means so much to me. Thank you.”

  “I always wanted you to be a part of this. This was the only way I knew how.” I shrug while we hold each other’s gaze.

  He leans in, moving the hair from in front of my shoulder to behind my back before he places a soft kiss on my check.

  Madden comes bouncing back out with the journal we’ve added to over the years. Taking a seat at the patio furniture, Madden curls into Brax’s lap like he’s at home. He starts talking a mile a minute as if Brax has always been a part of his life. I honestly could’ve never asked for a better meeting for the first time. This is what I have hoped for and envisioned since the day I held my little boy in my arms.

  Pulling up a chair, I look over their shoulders at the first week of Madden’s life. The journal shows pictures and talks about the start of our journey.

  I feel Brax’s hand rest on mine that sits on his armchair. What I’m feeling right now, I’ve never felt before. I feel like I’m watching a movie, and this could not possibly be my life. I never knew what true love was, my parents never had it. They never showed me it.

  This is the first time I feel like I have love that doesn’t cost me anything. It is genuine and natural, involving no strings attached.

  CHAPTER 32

  In my life, I can’t say I’ve ever felt content. I’m the middle boy in the pack of Steeles. Rhett is the oldest, who had so much talent at everything he did. I swear he must shit gold too. Kellen took the shit stirrer role, leaving me the “nice one” who no one paid much attention to, because my other two brothers took the spotlight for each of the spectrums they landed on. And yet, both of my brothers always ended up on top, and I felt like I was always on the bottom.

  When I started dating, I was always called the nice one. The good girls where saving themselves to be with me after they had their fun, and the bad girls played with my good nature, creating a storm of wrong relationships.

  Sitting on Raya’s couch with Madden on my lap feels like home. I can see the three of us in the future, and I like what I see. I’m not fighting to outshine anyone, because it takes the three of us to be the best. I can picture her pregnant and us growing our family. This whole day has been perfect.

  “Who likes popcorn?” Raya calls out cheerfully from in the kitchen behind us. Madden immediately starts bouncing on my lap while waving his hand around.

  “Madden told me he hates popcorn,” I teasingly toss over my shoulder. His whole body turns to award me with wide saucer eyes.

  “Brax said he hates popcorn!” I love that he gives it right back to me. Then he jumps off my lap, pretending to be a monkey while making monkey noises and jumping around like one.

  “All right, monkey. You get your own bowl,” Raya informs him, while he makes more noises before coming back to sit beside me
.

  “You want a beer?” she asks, placing two other bowls on the small table in front of the couch.

  “Sure.” Looking to all of the individual bowls of popcorn, I add as she heads back into the kitchen, “You scared I’m going to eat all your popcorn?”

  Her laugher is music to my ears. “No, I’m scared Madden is going to eat it all.”

  I feel the cold bottle on my shoulder before her lips are on my cheek. I take full advantage and turn my head just right to get those soft lips on mine. Madden is too occupied with his bowl and tucking himself into my side to notice.

  Slowly, I pull back, raising my beer up to her. “Cheers.”

  I only want to be here. I’m not sure if I could say that ever before for anything I threw myself into. I always wanted a little more, a better taste of something else. Where here, right now, I’m not reaching for the next step or level.

  “What are we watching?” I ask, stealing a handful out of Madden’s bowl.

  “Boss Baby,” Raya says while fiddling with the controller.

  Madden looks up to me and I stop chewing, pretending I didn’t steal any of his popcorn. Very seriously, he states, “You eat mine, I get to eat yours.” He smiles at me like he got away with something he normally doesn’t.

  Lifting my eyebrow, I look over to Raya, who simply shrugs before taking a seat on the opposite side of me. Madden has not left my side since I stepped through this house. I have loved every second of it.

  Raya’s feet are stretched out over mine and Madden’s legs, as he rests more against the armrest of the couch rather than the back. Trying to play it cool, I place my hand on Raya’s thigh, making small, light circles on her skin with my thumb.

  I feel Raya’s feet wiggle, and I look up to see her watching Madden and me. She gives me a soft smile that makes my heart pick up speed.

  “Mom, I’m cold,” Madden mumbles while shoving popcorn into his mouth. His eyes are transfixed on the TV ahead of us.

  Immediately, my mind goes to all the things I could do to Raya under a blanket then remember it’s not only the two of us here. The thought is strange, never having to consider that before, and warms my heart all at the same time.

  Raya reaches over me, her tits brushing against my arm, while she tries to cover Madden, me, and herself. My cock is very aware of how close Raya is. Her legs stay on top of mine, while my fingers want to explore every inch of her. Each minute that goes by with me restraining myself gets me more worked up. I can’t help it. My pulse picks up like I’m a teenager again.

  Taking a few gulps of my beer, I try to calm myself. Slowly, the three of us relax into each other. I keep my roaming fingers rated G, even though I would have loved to take it further. But I need to start thinking like a dad now.

  I wonder if this is what a typical night looks like here? I think I could get used to the coziness of it all.

  For my first kid’s movie, Boss Baby was pretty good. I loved how Madden would tell me what all the characters were thinking and grin up at me. I can’t help but think my kid is kind of a badass, from the way he is interpreting the characters feelings, to the way he can joke around with adults. I never realized kids were so fun.

  As soon as the credits start to roll, Raya announces, “Okay, bedtime!” looking down at our son, where he glances around as if to ask “Who, me?”

  When he realizes it’s not going to work, he asks, “Can Brax put me to bed?” with pleading puppy dog eyes. The day he calls me Dad will be the best day in the world.

  “I would love to,” I answer before Raya has the chance to say anything. “But you’ll have to tell me what to do.” My fingers run through the thick dark hair of his. I watch how his eyes light up at the chance of being a “big boy.”

  “He needs to—”

  I cut off Raya with a squeeze of her foot. “I got this.” I give her a wink, while one of her eyebrows shoots up in question. I feel confident. How hard can it be to put a kid to bed?

  Motioning my head to the stairs, Madden jumps up excitedly, running ahead of me. Turning my head, I see Raya trying to smoother her amused grin with her hand as her eyes twinkle with laughter.

  Madden comes barreling out of his room completely naked, running right into my legs and knocking himself over. He starts laughing hysterically.

  “You okay?” He must be.

  He nods his head, jumping up on his feet and doing what looks like a quick Spider-Man pose before running toward the bathroom and turning into a monkey once again.

  I follow him in to see him standing about two feet away from the toilet peeing. “Ummm, sorry?” Do I just stand in there while he pees? Should he be standing that far away? Man, the kid has good aim.

  “All done.” He holds up his hands. I think I now know why Raya reacted the way she did. I have zero idea what kids are like. But without any cues from me, he washes his hands before taking out what must be his toothbrush and toothpaste, covering it so that it’s dripping over the sides and creating a huge mess.

  “How about I help you there?” I try to take control.

  “I can do it.” He opens his mouth big and shows me how good he can brush his teeth. This kid has some spunk and personality. I can’t help but feel proud.

  “Pajamas?” I ask as I lead him back to his bedroom. He taps my hand and sighs. “Don’t worry. Mommy lets me do this all the time.” He even rolls his eyes.

  I pull out a pair that looks really cute. The look he gives me is priceless before he shakes his head. I stand there wondering if I should go ask Raya if this is okay, but Madden hops into bed, patting it for me to sit beside him.

  This kid is already twisting me around his finger. I can feel it. He hands me what looks like the longest, thickest book, and I wonder how he can easily manage to carry it. It only takes three stories, and twenty minutes later, he is sleeping with little snores coming out of his precious mouth.

  Bending down, I kiss his forehead before trying to move from under him.

  I tiptoe back downstairs to see Raya lying down on the couch reading. She looks perfectly comfortable and happy. This is the happy Raya I fell in love with. I can see it in her eyes and the set of her pink lips. I wish I could take a picture of her like this, candid.

  Like she can feel my eyes on her, she looks up from her book and gives me a little wave.

  “Your phone has been ringing off the hook.” I can see the apprehension forming between her thin brows like she’s worried I’ll run off.

  “That’s not important right now.” I shake my head, keeping my eyes trained on her. “You are.”

  The crease along her forehead softens as she watches me turn off my phone. I don’t bother looking at who was calling me. Raya and Madden are my priority right now. I can check my phone later, and whatever it is will be there then. I’m not as certain about Raya.

  Her eyes light up how they were before when she thought no one was watching. Then they widen as she sees me start to stalk toward her.

  CHAPTER 33

  Brax has that determined look in his eyes, telling me he’s on a mission. Biting the inside of my cheek, my body wakes up as he steps between my legs. He looks down at me intently, the heat of his skin warming me, anchoring me to him, even without us touching.

  Brax is the most relaxed, happy go lucky guy I have ever met, except when he wants something. Right now, I can see he wants me. He’s put me into his sights and he won’t let go. That’s how he is.

  “Do you feel this?” he whispers, the searing edge of his voice flushing my skin like a forest fire erupting from a single spark.

  “And what is this?” I come back, needing to hear the words from him.

  “This is what forever feels like.”

  I manage to stand up, our bodies a sliver apart from each other.

  I can’t look away from his eyes; my hands want to grasp at my chest from the tightness starting to take hold of it.

  His arm rounds my body, eliminating all space as he pulls us closer, his hand staying on t
he small of my back.

  His hooded lustful eyes lower to my lips, making my tongue dart out to wet their sudden dryness. Slowly, so slowly, he bends his head down. I want to kiss him like I need oxygen. My hands round his shoulders, my right one holding onto his large, muscular bicep as my left starts to fist his shirt at his chest.

  I can’t take it any longer. When his lips are still not on mine, I push onto my tiptoes and land my lips hard onto his. I take what he planned to. His kiss is greedy, making needy laps of his tongue against mine as his hand cups the back of my neck, the other hand keeping me flush against him. It’s not long before I can feel his hardened erection pushing against me. He kisses me like there won’t be another chance, our lips fitting perfectly and dancing as if they have never parted.

  “I need to feel you inside me,” I partly moan, out of breath. I have never been so turned on. When Brax gets in his he-man, “I take what I want” attitude, it does crazy things to me.

  “You want me to fuck you?” His hips move deeper into me, allowing me to feel him completely while he does nothing to hide the sheer desire in his voice.

  “I want you to fuck me like you’ve missed me.” I bite onto his earlobe, knowing I’m riling him up. I like when he gets all bossy with me. Flashes of our first night together come back, reminding me just how good his skills are.

  Without warning, his hands dig into my waist and lift me up. My legs have no problem wrapping around him before we start kissing again. I don’t hold back, grinding down onto his cock as he starts to walk toward my room up the stairs.

  There is a thrill about having to stay quiet. Brax and I have never had to before, or at least cared enough to try. As soon as my bedroom door is closed, he tugs my shirt above my head.

  That sexy, confident grin on his face sends my endorphins running rampant throughout my body, starting at my nipples and going all the way down to my clit, causing my toes to curl. He captures my mouth, nipping at my bottom lip, causing a fresh surge of desire to flash through my body. I want to taste every part of him, including that unique flavor of myself that lingers on his lips. Brax has always been the best kisser; he has a way to make everything feel like it’s more.