Bittersweet Moments Read online

  “I’m sorry,” I tell him again.

  “Me too, brother.” We bring it in for a man slap before we hug. It would have been nice to clear the air like this before. I’m not oblivious to the fact that he hasn’t tried, but I never let him, because of my pride and stubbornness.

  CHAPTER 48

  Looking around my house, boxes are lined against the walls. There isn’t too much stuff, but enough that it won’t fit into my car. The room feels cold; it never felt like a home to me. None of the houses Nate and I lived in ever felt that way.

  Going upstairs, I peer into Madden’s room. There’s still a small bed frame and a mismatched dresser, but it doesn’t look too different from just a few hours ago when Madden’s toys were littered around the room. It took Brax one weekend to make Madden’s room warm and inviting, as a home should represent. Yet, I’ve never been able to create such a feeling.

  Sighing, I grab the last box and walk down the stairs as I hear a firm knock from the front door. I sneak a peek through the side window and promptly drop the box I’m holding.

  My mother is standing rigid just on the other side of the door. The thud from the box brings another hard knock.

  I slowly open it up before thinking about the action.

  “Raya.” There is a small sad smile on her lips, but it’s her eyes that hold my attention. Remorse and sadness sear me as her light brown eyes look back at me.

  My first instinct is that my mother came for me, to be here for me. I want to go and hug her, but I stay unmoving, covering up my emotions. Too many times I thought she would come to my aid, but I was deceived.

  “What are you doing here?” I accuse, crossing my arms over my chest.

  “I love you, Raya.” Her eyes glisten as she says those three words I have a hard time believing.

  “Actions mean more than words.” I steal one of her lines from when I was younger.

  She nods her head, trying to peer around me. “It’s only me here.” I won’t elaborate. In my eyes, she doesn’t deserve to meet her grandson. She doesn’t deserve to know where he is or who he’s with.

  “I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you more.”

  I take her in. There are black circles under her eyes, and she looks to have lost weight, making her skin and bones. The clothes that used to fit her perfectly now look loose. She is not the same woman from when I set fire to all our lives.

  “I’ve been onto your father for years and didn’t know how to stop him. I did the only thing I could to protect you. When Nate came to me about your plan, I did everything in my power to help the two of you. I called in a few favors from cops I knew who were corrupt and paid off more people than I thought possible, all to help with two dead bodies. It wasn’t easy in the timeframe you demanded either.” She lets out a soft chuckle. “Not that it mattered in the end.”

  I step into the doorframe more, still not willing to let her in, but I want to hear what she has to say for herself. The two of us always had a hard time communicating, and over the years, I resented her for it.

  “I thought this would make you happy. Finally, you would be free to live the life you chose. I could always see in your eyes that you wanted more than the life we expected. But it was too late when I finally decided to let you have the choice. He wouldn’t have it, and I felt helpless under your father’s control.”

  I want to believe her, but I can’t. She could have changed mine and Brax’s story, but she chose to let it happen.

  “Helping would have been to stand up for yourself and to protect your only daughter.” I feel like I’m the one taking a knife and slicing it through her heart. She takes it, not putting up a fight. It hurts me just as much as it does her.

  “Every day and every night, I wished I had that courage. The same courage I see in you. It’s one of your traits I admire the most. I want to help you, so please let me.” My mother’s petite frame shudders and she brings her hands up, begging for my acceptance.

  “I have an idea. I couldn’t make a home for you growing up, and I would love to help you now. I don’t expect you to accept me into your life right away. I know you need to heal from my part in all this, but I want to help. I want to be a part of your life again, and a part of my grandchild’s life.”

  My mother has always been perfect in every way. This is the first time I am seeing vulnerability. This is not the same lady who raised me, and for the first time in my life, she feels human to me.

  I nod before I can find the words I want to say, needing it to come out right. “You can’t repair this overnight. It takes time and effort. If you expect to come waltzing in here and us start being the Brady Bunch, you are mistaken.” I wait before I continue, wanting my words to sink in. “I’ll listen to your idea, but you’re going to have to wait to meet your grandson. I need to know you’re not going to run out of our lives. I need to see you making an effort with me first.”

  It pains me to tell my mother this. She’s giving me everything I want, but I can’t be burned again. I have to take it slow; otherwise, I’m putting not only my heart in danger but Madden’s.

  Her relief is seen through her whole body with her shoulders dropping and the way she smiles at me. “Thank you, Raya.” She steps in, hugging me for the first time in years.

  It’s awkward, my hands coming down to my side, not knowing if I should hug her back.

  Taking a step back, she releases me. “You have just given me the greatest gift I could ask for, a second chance.”

  Both our eyes are misty as I look at the woman who raised me. I hope she can hold her side of the bargain, because I really need my mother in my life again.

  After we pull ourselves together, I clear my throat and prompt, “Okay. What’s your idea?”

  CHAPTER 49

  I dress like I’m going to a funeral—dark jeans, black dress shirt, and a cowboy hat. For this occasion, my baseball cap will have to sit out.

  Like Rhett has promised, he is taking the lead and driving us to the auction. I couldn’t bring myself to ask the rest of my family to come too. I’m too proud to ask for help, and talking about my fuck-up hurts too much. I’m already suffocating from the damage I have caused. I can’t bring myself to look my parents in the eye. Or worse, Raya. I promised to protect her and Madden. I failed them; it’s a hard thing to overcome.

  I have no home for my family. I have no job. I have no money. I have nothing to offer. The pounding in my temples starts beating again in perfect rhythm. My mind is exhausted. All I have to show for it is my head is still held high. I will not sink away into the darkness and let others talk behind my back. I want them—no, I need them—to say it to my face.

  I’m not some coward who stays in hiding, I decide. Picking up my phone, I call my girl, ready to beg for forgiveness for my shitty attitude. But like each time she called me, it goes to voicemail, being ignored.

  The auction house is packed. I have no doubt all of Three Rivers is here, and a quarter of Texas. Stepping out, I can feel her before she walks into my view.

  Her hair is much lighter, closer to the blonde she naturally was. It’s her eyes that stop me in my tracks. Their earthy tones stare at me with warmth and happiness, feelings I don’t feel like I deserve.

  She does not look like a victim; there are no signs of sorrow entrenched in her. For the first time in weeks, I start to feel. My body tingles with awareness of her while my heart leaps. I hope to the heavens we can make the jump together. She has always been it for me. No one would ever measure up to her.

  “Hi, cowboy.” She smirks at me in her flower-print sundress and sparkly sandals.

  Scratching my head, I ask her, “You know this is an auction, right?”

  She laughs, closing the distance. That’s my Raya. She doesn’t care if she looks the part. Things like that never really mattered to her. Her laugh makes my lips twitch, wanting to smile.

  “Is it?” Playfully, she looks around, placing a hand on her chest.

  She is gorgeous, and all mine.
I may not deserve her, but I won’t give her up.

  “Come here.” My hand goes out to claim her by grasping her hip, bringing her into me.

  We stare into each other’s eyes. I love the way I can see myself in her irises. “I’m sorry for everythi—” Her fingers cut me off when she places them in front of my lips.

  “Prove it.” She smirks with that twinkle in her eye.

  I pull her in close and kiss her like it’s with my last breath. She wobbles in my arms from the impact of the kiss, causing me to chuckle. “I love you, Raya.” Kissing her on her forehead, I look around, not seeing our son. “Where is Madden?”

  “Looking at roosters with your mom and dad.” She shrugs with a small smile.

  My parents are here. Even when I ignored everyone, refused to ask for help, they still came. I shouldn’t be shocked. Family always comes first.

  Picking her up, I twirl her around before taking her lips the way I’ve imagined every night since she went back home. Everything is perfect about this kiss. Her small touches, how she melts into me, and that fuckable moan that escapes as I deepen our kiss.

  “Save some of that for the bedroom,” Rhett jokes, reminding me we’re not alone.

  I can’t help but give my brother a wink. For the first time in a week, I feel settled. I can’t stop touching Raya. She calms me like nothing I have ever experienced before.

  Walking into the auction pit, I see it’s packed with people of all ages. The animal auctions have ended, providing a short break as they gear up to sell off everything I worked so hard for, for the last five years. Funny how it seems like everything has come full circle.

  The auctioneer starts his bid on the first small property I bought not even two weeks after I thought I lost Raya. It was probably what started my thirst for more. Paddles are being held up at each price increase till it reaches at least double what I paid for it.

  I know the rancher who bought it; he’s a good man. I nod to him as his eyes wander over to me. I can’t help but feel like everyone is watching each of my expressions, trying to decipher anything and everything from me.

  Raya’s fingers squeeze mine, and I take a deep breath. Four more properties that I worked so hard on are sold, leaving the best for last—the Steele family land.

  I try to make my hands not shake, but my nerves have the best of me. I bring Raya’s hand up to my lips for a soft kiss. Looking around, for the first time today, I feel no one’s weighted stare on me. I watch as Rhett plays with the small wooden paddle in his hands.

  I refused to get one. I still think Rhett shouldn’t have gotten one either.

  “Can you hold this for me?” Rhett asks Raya, knowing my answer would be no.

  She takes it from him, and I can feel him shuffling his feet. He’s jittery like me. Fingers squeeze my tense shoulders, and I see my father behind me. Everyone is here. All of us Steeles.

  The auctioneer begins his introduction and sets the minimum bid. I wait for the fight over this land, but instead, all I hear is coughing and breathing.

  Looking around in disbelief, no one holds up a paddle; no one is whispering to their neighbor. The auctioneer calls the price out again. My eyes go big with shock. Surely someone will bid on our home.

  Just as he’s about to call the bid, he points out a paddle. I nod, happy it will go to someone, only to realize he’s pointing to Raya. She’s holding out Rhett’s paddle.

  “What are you doing?” I hiss.

  “We’re buying back our home and memories,” she whispers back.

  Finally, it’s heard.

  “Sold.”

  The area erupts in applause and hollers. It’s cheering for us. I’m left dumbfounded, never in my wildest dreams expecting this.

  We begin to get pats on the back from people we don’t even know and all of our community. It is the greatest and oddest feeling I have ever felt. I feel so prideful, confused, and grateful.

  “Brax, I want to introduce you to my mother.” Raya steps aside, and an older version of her walks up to me. “She bought the Steeles’ ranch back… for all of us.”

  Raya’s mom gives me a hug as I stand, shocked that everyone has pulled together to help us.

  “I need to apologize to you both for everything,” her mother tells us. “I should have been stronger to stand up to him more. I can’t take back the lost years, but I hope this can help bring us closer.”

  “How is this even possible?” I wonder out loud.

  “When Raya’s father and I first got together, it was me who came from money. My father told me I shouldn’t marry someone so poor.” A sad laugh escapes her while she shakes her head like she’s trying to shoo the memory away. “But that didn’t last long. Before our second anniversary, he used my family connections and money to bring him to the start of the power position he lusted after.”

  Taking her hand into mine, I look Raya’s mother in the eyes. “Thank you. This means the world to us.”

  We embrace in one huge family hug. I watch my mother and Shay cry happy tears. My father nods with pleasure. Kellen slaps me on the back, while Rhett calls out, “Where’s the beer to celebrate?”

  Picking up my son, I hoist him over my shoulder while Kellen picks up our nephew Connor.

  We run around celebrating like we’re teenagers. “You won it, Dad!” I hear Madden cheer out, loving the excitement.

  This is the first time he has called me Dad. That three-letter word warms my heart.

  *

  This moment is everything. The smile on Brax face lights up mine, Madden’s, and everyone around. His enthusiasm is contagious as the rest of his family follows suit with hugging and cheering. Our story may not be conventional, and some may even say bittersweet how we came full circle to our proper ending. We had to work for our happily ever after, and it made me fall deeper in love with the man in front of me.

  I know what it feels like to lose him, and it’s not a feeling I will ever repeat again. This gives our family a fresh start. We can make what we want out of the situation. I look forward to being with Brax each step of the way.

  He was always meant to be mine.

  “Can I go with Grandma and Grandpa?” Madden asks as he already runs toward them.

  Brax and I watch him until he grasps both of their hands, placing him in the middle.

  “He already has them wrapped around his finger,” Brax comments as I place my head on his chest.

  “Just wait till the second one comes.”

  Brax chuckles before my words sink down. I can feel him look at me, but I keep my eyes forward.

  “And when might that be?” he asks.

  “Any time you want.”

  He turns so that I face him, the happiness radiating off his face. I nod, loving his reaction. “You mean the world to me, Raya. I love you.”

  “I love you too.”

  EPILOGUE

  10 months later

  “Brax.” Raya touches my forearm, pausing midstep.

  As I look down at her, her voice is in awe while looking at our freshly built house. Our baby boy, Hunter, rests in my arms fast asleep. My smile grows, seeing how happy she is, the act making my face hurt.

  This is the first time she’s seen our house completely finished. The last three weeks have been a whirlwind with Raya needing to stay in the city near our birthing hospital. Our family worked hard while we waited for Hunter’s arrival then while she recovered from her cesarean section.

  She is adorable with her hand coming up to cover her mouth before she looks up at me. “When did all this get done?” A giggle escapes her as she takes it all in, not believing we finally have our home. With the help from Three Rivers and the rest of our family, we were able to get the house done a month sooner than expected.

  “Everyone has worked incredibly hard the last two weeks to put the finishing touches on everything.” Both of our mothers walk out of our house with open arms, wanting to see their new grandchild. “Our mom’s finished Hunter’s nursery too.”
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br />   The grandmothers take our little boy in for us, and Raya wraps her arms around my waist. “This is more than I ever expected. It’s amazing. I can’t believe everyone came together for us. Best surprise ever. Thank you.” She goes up to her tiptoes and plants a soft kiss on the side of my mouth.

  “I love you, Raya Stratton.”

  “I love you too, Brax Steele.”

  She has that look in her eyes like I am her king. I plan to keep that expression on her face for the rest of our lives.

  “Do you want the honors of putting Hunter to bed in his first room?”

  Her face lights up at that thought. I was worried she might feel left out that she wasn’t the one doing all the work for the room. I was highly mistaken; my girl knows how to delegate and get her desired results.

  I chuckle, remembering her sitting on the hospital bed, video calling her mom and giving her special instructions on what was to be done.

  I open the front door of our first family home together, allowing her to walk in first. I would have loved to sweep her up in my arms, but I know I can’t because of all her stitches.

  She walks in, turning in a full circle and taking in all the details.

  “You like it?”

  “I love it.”

  “Hunter is all changed.” My ma holds him out for me to take. “Grandpa will be back with the boys in about an hour. Dinner is at six if you two are feeling up to it.”

  Raya goes in to hug my mom then hers. “Thank you two so much. I couldn’t have done everything without you. I appreciate the two of you helping out with Madden and all this.” Her hands go wide as she talks about our house.

  I lead the way to Hunter’s room, excited to see her reaction. Slowly opening the door, she walks in and the tears start falling. “This is better than I could have ever dreamed.” She walks around the room, checking everything out, going from the rocking chair to the changing table to the crib. We decorated the room in farm theme, including baby lambs, pigs, and cows. There are splashes of gray and blue throughout the room. “Thank you for making my dreams come true.”